Day 18 of Being Deathly Ill With Something: 135lbs

I have not updated in forever. mostly because i have been extreamly sick with something like the stomach flu, except i can't even keep water down. heck, i am even puking up blood. i spent the weekend in the hospital and now my family owes a hefty fee for it. i feel bad, but what can i do? this isn't my fault. at least i hope it isn't...i may be changing my blog soon. as in...i may move it to a different blogspot...but i'll let you know if i take the plunge. i may even jump to my own website. but...if you know me at all, you know that i always say things that i never go through with...

i hope i get better soon...then again maybe not.
this has it's advantages in a liquid diet. ;)

~Annabella~

I'm starting over again... 149 lbs. eugh.

I'm starting over again, after 2 weeks of nothing but junk food. before i start abc, i'm going to do two weeks with 800 calories a day. i'll be working out and burning 200 calories a day. this will continue for 2 weeks. then onto abc. i know...i struggle and start over A LOT. but what can i say? this fat girl loves food.

prom went really well dispite the fact that i looked ginormous. the rouching on the front of the dress hid some of my fat rolls. and on another bright side, i think i may be getting a boyfriend soon. :)

i'm so excited. i totally love this kid. yeah, i like him a lot but i'm not "in-love" wtih him. anyway...if anybody wants to start abc with me, that would be amazing.

~Annabella~

day 4: 144 lbs

wow. day four and weighing in at 144. somehow i'm doubting that this is going to last. i'm betting that i'll check my weight tomorrow and it'll be something hideous in comparison.

i refused temptation last night. i turned down subway and chips. okay, so i gave in to a little bit of soy ice-cream, but the 1/4 cup i had was only 64 calories. so i did fantastic. i ate a small salad with a tablespoon of 40 calorie dressing. i did not eat all the dressing though, so i did really good overall.

i was really depressed yesterday when i had to try on dresses for prom. it was really sad. i wore a size 12. a 12 for heavens sake! my goal dress size is anywhere between 2 and 5. that would be amazing. that would also open up a lot of options. one of the dresses i wanted was so beautiful! it was crimson red faux silk (which ment that it was vegan!), with straps that went off the shoulders. it looked like a less poufy, dark, beautiful, gothic, indian princess gown. the skirt of the dress was slightly poufy, but only becuase i had to wear one of the pouf skirts under it. if i didn't, it would lay straight and flat, but the slight pouf made it amazing. i wanted it so bad. but it was an 8. never had i been so embaressed when the woman at the dress shop told me i was too fat wear it. i was MORTIFIED. it was hard to eat last night. i wanted to puke up everything. i wanted to fast. i wanted all my fat to be gone. but my mom was watching super clsoe last night after my subway refusal. grr.

i'm doing really good today. only a stick of gum today. i'll probably give into a 1/4 cup of soy ice-cream again because today was even more depressing. i don't think the boy i asked to prom will say yes.

:,(

~Annabella~

day 2: 147 lbs

today i'm doing the same thing as yesterday...without the chocolate cake. that was my failure then, but not now. yesterday went alright i guess... i ate a tiny piece of chocolate cake, but i purged afterwards. the only other thing i ate after that (and didn't purge) was a small salad with dressing. in my defence, the dressing only has 20 calories and the salad counts as a negitave. maybe. the salad was comprised of lettuce, celery, and cucumbers without the skin. so i dont' think that was bad at all. i think i'll stick to eating a salad once a day everyday. i'm starting to think that just fasting isn't such a fantastic idea. fasting not only slows your metabolism down, but you just get hungrier and crave carbs times 20! even with a juice fast, it's kinda begging for a binge afterwards. can somebody pass that on to xanga.com? that is only my philosophy though. alright, on to thinspiration! Only a little because i'm running out of time. sorry.

~Annabella~

day 1 again: 148 lbs

okay. obviously it's day one again because day 1 to start with didn't go so well. my mom had me on meds yesterday that after some research yesterday had about 55 cals per dose. she gave me like, 20 of them. so i'm starting over today. clean slate. i'm just going to think healthy. if i get hungry, like, uber unbearable hunger (which i doubt) i'll grab a salad or somthing. anyway, i gotta get a job. and a 10-speed bike. (i need transportation to my job and i don't want to use my mountain bike just becuase i dont' want it to get stolen. i mean, who the hell is going to steal a crappy 10-speed? so...to day i will stay stong and i will not bend. besides, i think i have enough school-work to keep me busy and away from the kitchen.

on another note, i have some pills. yah pills! lysine for my acne. a multivitamin. 1 asprin for good bloodflow and ahealthy heart. 1 farenheight for weightloss. 1 relacore for stress. 1 vitamin e for good skin. wow am i loaded. i wonder if i'd even pass a drug test... hm. i'm looking for cheap caffine pills. caffine curbs the appatite. that means no more hungry. yah! wow i'm cheering a lot today. yah! i still have to take all my pills. but i'll do that when i get home. i dont' think i can handel even a minor headache at school. especially before math. eugh. thinspo tomorrow. i promise!

~Annabella~

day 1: 149 lbs

eugh. i'm so disgusted with myself. i don't think i actually weigh that much. i think it's water weight and bloating from my stupid monthly you-know-what. besides that, i'm sicker than a dog. i think i have a stomach virus. but lucky for me i can't keep anything down. i wonder how long it will last? anyway, i'm nervous. i am going to ask this boy i like to prom. i know, guttsy, huh? i'm still trying to figure a way to ask him in a cool, cute way. not that he'll say yes. i mean, i'm fucking huge! and he's all fit and gorgeous. eugh. i hate this. oh and to make matters worse, i've got baked potatoes and chocolate cake staring me down. grrr. i'm fasting today and tomorrow. then i'm going to start a juice fast. i just don't want to eat actual food. with the juice fast, i'm going ot stay under 500 cals and water the juice down so i'm not getting as many calories. i hate being fat. i might post some thinspo tomorrow, so look forward to that. today is going to be tough while i'm puking my guts out.
i hate being sick.
and it's sick how i love it at the same time.

~Annabella~

my first post on my new blog!

yes. it's finally official. this is my new blog...my journal...my baby. i hope you all keep coming back to see when i've posted somethin' new. i know my layout is odd, but i like it. it's going to take me a while to figure out how to use it, so...give me time.

:)

~Annabella~